im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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