i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
