I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
