She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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