ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
