so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
