Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
