as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
