i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
