New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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