so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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