Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
