I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
