So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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