Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
