You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
