Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize