Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
