i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
