i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
