So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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