If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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