i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
