Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
