I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
