I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize