I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
