I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Still dying that you shit outside
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
