Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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