Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he shaved USA in his pubs
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
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