I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
