Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize