birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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