i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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