i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
did i walk over a car last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
