Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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