No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
