That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
