your parents love me but you hate me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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