I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
