I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
