Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
