Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
