Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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