Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
