imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
