Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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