what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
