1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
