We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
