you guys were way drunker than both of me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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