The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
