If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude. I can hear the air.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
