If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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