She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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