dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
