this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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