oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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