Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
