I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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