barbara walters just said penis...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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