This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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