i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
