youre lurking in front of me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
