He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
