seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
