dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
