At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
