there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
